CW/TW: spirituality, pride, queerphobia, transphobia, racism, white supremacy, colonialism, capitalism, depression, mental illness, mourning, mild fatalism.
This is going to be long...
(Love is Love, MoishPain)
Today, the air is heavy. The weight is immense and difficult to carry on many shoulders. Today many of us are hurting, the day feels weird and wrong, through and through. Today, I have found many of share this feeling, and it is as though we are spiritually holding hands, there for each other across and through it all. We are all resonating in the same place. And it is a wild, awing thing to behold. To find ourselves, together in this vastness, this heavy and hard place to be, this energy shared.
This may all sound like nonsense, but it is difficult to make sense of the spiritual connections shared among those close - whether very personally or simply by the nature of our shared groups and identities. It may not even be spiritual for some. But today, myself and a group of my friends (from various pagan identities) had omens presented to us. We all felt as though the day felt weird and wrong. And we have also dreaded this day.
Today is Pride.
For many, this means that today is a day of celebration. But for many for, for so many who are silenced, today is a day of mourning. Pride is not what it used to be anymore - a stark realization for someone in a place of privilege like myself and others (ie. white folks). Many never had Pride - something that has been protested and called attention too for a long time, but more so as of a climax one year ago. Since then, protests and action has been taken. And since then, they have been beaten down and exhausted to a deadly point. Today is not a day for QTBIPOC. Today is not a day of celebration for activists and social justice warriors.
This isn't to say those who can find refuge and celebration shouldn't - simply that, say for myself, I cannot unsee and I cannot unhear. I cannot celebrate while my friends are dying. At an intersection, even I am not safe because to the capital G & L, I do not exist. Trans people are overwhelmingly targeted. Exponentially intensify that number for POC.
This blog post is a rambling of tumultuous emotions borne of pain.
Today, I drew for the omens via my tarot. Instead of being told "what" the "weird" and "wrong" was, I was told why the feelings are. I did this reading for a group, not myself. I will include the reading here, feel free to skip it.
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The Reading
Card #1: "Weird"
Odysseus • the journey "Every hero's journey has distractions, temptations, and battles. Those willing to face the dangers and defeat the monsters experience victory. Have heart and courage. Be heroic." We have been fighting a long battle as the queer community, and it continues.
Card #2: "Wrong"
The Moirae • destiny "Destiny is calling. It usually brings with it unexpected life-changing events, in which there will be incredible opportunity found. These events can come in the guise of something difficult or painful. It is important to move with the flow, let instincts guide. Remember to allow for a period of grieving. During life-changing events, it is important to remain present, clear, and focused." What feels wrong, may be right; we are on the eve of great change.
Card #3: Omen
Perseus • courage "Here to remind us of the power that springs forth when we tear off the masks that hide our deepest fears. Face fears. Feeling will follow action." We must be afraid to move forward.
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"be loud but not mean" (Mx. Moireabh)
Today, the air is heavy. The weight is immense. Today many of us are hurting. Today, I have found many of share this feeling, and we are spiritually holding hands. We are all resonating in the same place. We are together in this vastness, this heavy and hard place to be, this energy shared.
Today I mourn a lot of things. I am scared. It is difficult to open up myself like this, but I know that to show this hurt is not weakness - it is great strength. I know I am not alone. I know what the omens say. And we will get through this. Change is coming.